The Power to Change
January 1, 2010
by Keith Caplin
I have been asked to do some writing for a friends web sight and have found myself frozen in fear with what to write and on top of that the fear of thinking myself a poor writer. With this being said, I feel that maybe my topic should be “How Fear Can Have a Crippling Effect on Your Life”. Nothing like starting with something simple and easy, now is there?
When I look at fears in my life or actually have a conversation with someone about the topic the idea of two types of fears comes up. The first being real “potentially save your life” fears, like being afraid to jump into a cage of lions with a steak tied around your neck. That fear is there to save your life and I’m sure from some experience you have had, this generally would not be a good idea. The second type of fears as I see them would be the unrealistic fears or self generated fears. These fears usually serve no purpose other than holding you back from your greatness. The usually arise from something you were told as a kid and you have incorporated it so deeply into you being that you now hold it as fact. Case in point, when I was in school I was never given very good grades for my writing and because I felt that I have a very limited vocabulary, I created the illusion that I can not write. With this in place I then begin to look at books and things that other people have written and compare my “creations” to theirs….ok, how unfair is that of me? These people have been formally trained, have editors, have a natural talent , whatever it may be, and I am using them as a means of evaluating my work. This fear has paralyzed me from ever really putting my written word out there, in fact it has prevented me from ever writing at all, even in a journal that only I would see.
Let’s take a look at these second types of fears a little more closely. A fear stays if it is “fed” somehow. Well what is it that is feeding these crippling fears? Many things come to mind, but they all seem to boil down to one thing, some where in our life someone told us something that we believed very deeply, and that someone very often is OURSELVES. How many times have you heard in your head “o you can’t do that” or “who are you to think that you could do that”? And how often is it someone else’s voice you are hearing? Imagine the possibilities if you could just quiet that voice or change the tape that it is playing.
So, how do we go about quieting that voice in our head telling us “no we can’t”? For one thing, you need to be nice to yourself and realize that the fear didn’t get there over night, so it might not disappear over night ( but it might). Give yourself the process of “baby steps”. What I mean by this is give yourself credit for the steps that you ARE making towards replacing the fear. This usually starts with a realization of “being stuck” for some reason. You know the saying, “the hardest step is noticing there is a problem”. Once you notice what is preventing you from moving forward, you have one of two choices in dealing with it, you can do a complete 180 and quickly and drastically change you thinking, or you can take baby steps into easing you into the new way of thinking. For myself, I started putting myself in situations that would force me to have to write ( like telling a friend that I would write for his web sight even though the though of doing so was causing my heart to pound out of my chest). In accepting the invitation to write I was taking some action to rewrite the tapes that are currently playing in my head, and with each success my confidence builds and instead of hearing “you can’t” I am hearing “Go for it!”. Many times we do not see the progress we are making as we are making it. Take the time to sit with yourself and see where you have come from, you might be very surprised at the growth that is occurring that you aren’t even aware of.
While you are sitting looking at the growth and success you are achieving, ask yourself what other ACTIONS can I take to rewrite this old tape? Much of overcoming the fear comes from retraining your subconscious that you CAN. Remember, the original idea of “you can’t” most likely didn’t come from you; however, you are the one that has been feeding the idea weather consciously or unconsciously. Now, with the awareness of it’s presence you can chose to not feed the fear, but instead feed the new idea that has been planted that YOU CAN! It all starts with an action, what are you willing to do to help yourself move forward in your life?
To contribute to the success of your new “outlook” on yourself you can work on surrounding yourself with people that will support you in your endeavor. A support network is vital. Remember, the old idea was most likely planted by someone else, why not surround yourself with people that will be more that willing to support your new idea about yourself, and not only support it, but feed it with other positive thoughts and ideas. In addition, who better to have around you when you are feeling the strength of the old fear rear its ugly head in its last attempts to struggle for survival as you actively evict it from you being? Why go at it alone when there are people around you that are willing to help and would like nothing more than to see you burst out into the greatness that is yours to claim. And if you don’t have those people around you, then find some, they are vitally important to your wellbeing. We are definitely a product of our environments, why not make then good ones, even if that happens just by shifting our perspective of the environment we are currently in.